Men are like ...

MEN ARE LIKE ... Floor Tiles, if you lay them right the first time, you can walk all over them for years.

MEN ARE LIKE ... Bank Accounts, without a lot of money, they don't generatea lot of interest.

MEN ARE LIKE ... Blenders, you need one, but you're not quite sure why.

MEN ARE LIKE ... Chocolate Bars, sweet, smooth and they usually head right for your hips.

MEN ARE LIKE ... Coffee, the best ones are rich, warm and can keep you up all night long.

MEN ARE LIKE ... Coolers, load them with beer and you can take them anywhere.

MEN ARE LIKE ... Copiers, you need them for reproduction, but that's about it.

MEN ARE LIKE ... Curling Irons, they're always hot and they're always in your hair.

MEN ARE LIKE ... Cement, after getting laid they take a long time to get hard.

MEN ARE LIKE ... Government Bonds, they take so long to mature.

MEN ARE LIKE ... Parking Spots, the good ones are already taken and the ones that are left are handicapped or extremely small.

MEN ARE LIKE ... Popcorn, they satisfy you, but only for a little while.

MEN ARE LIKE ... Snow Storms, you never know when they are coming, how many inches you'll get or how long they will last.

MEN ARE LIKE ... Bank Machines, once they withdraw they lose interest.

MEN ARE LIKE ... Bananas, the older they get, the less firm they are.

MEN ARE LIKE ... Newborn Babies, they're cute at first, but you get tired of cleaning up their crap.

MEN ARE LIKE ... Laxatives, they irritate the shit out of you.



The Geography of A Woman


Between the ages of 18 - 21 a woman is like Africa or Australia. She is half discovered, half wild and naturally beautiful with bush land around the fertile deltas.

Between the ages of 21 - 30 a woman is like America or Japan. Completely discovered, very well developed and open to trade especially with countries with cash or cars.

Between the ages of 30 - 35 a woman is like India or Spain. Very hot, relaxed and convinced of its own beauty.

Between the ages of 35 - 40 a woman is like France or Argentina. She may have been half destroyed during the war but can still be a warm and desirable place to visit.

Between the ages of 40 - 50 a woman is like Yugoslavia or Iraq. She lost the war and is haunted by past mistakes. Massive reconstruction is now necessary.

Between the ages of 50 - 60 a woman is like Russia or Canada. Very wide, quiet and the borders are practically unpatrolled but the frigid climate keeps people away.

Between the ages of 60 - 70 a woman is like England or Mongolia. With a glorious and all conquering past but alas no future.

After 70, they become Albania or Afghanistan. Everyone knows where it is, but no one wants to go there.

THE GEOGRAPHY OF A MAN: Between the ages of 15 - 70 a man is like Zimbabwe - ruled by a dick.





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