Three Bulls


Three bulls heard via the grapevine that the rancher was going tobring yet another bull onto the ranch, and the prospect raised a discussion among them.

First Bull: "Boys, we all know I've been here 5 years. Once we settled our differences, we agreed on which 100 of the cows would be mine. Now, I don't know where this newcomer is going to get HIS cows, but I aint' givin'him any of mine."

Second Bull: "That pretty much says it for me, too. I've been here 3 years and have earned my right to the 50 cows we've agreed are mine. I'll fight 'im till I run him off or kill 'im, but I'M KEEPIN' ALL MY COWS."

Third Bull: "I've only been here a year, and so far you guys have only let me have 10 cows to "take care of". I may not be as big as you fellows yet but I am young and virile, so I simply MUST keep all MY cows."

They had just finished their big talk when an eighteen-wheeler pulls up in themiddle of the pasture with only ONE ANIMAL IN IT: the biggest Son-of-Another-Bull these guys had ever seen! At 4700 pounds, each step he took toward the ground strained the steel ramp to the breaking point.

First Bull: "Ahem...You know, it's actually been some time since I really felt I was doing all my cows justice, anyway. I think I can spare a few for our new friend."

Second Bull: "I'll have plenty of cows to take care of if I just stay on the opposite end of the pasture from HIM. I'm certainly not looking for an argument."

They look over at their young friend,the third bull, and find him pawing the dirt, shaking his horns, and snorting.

First Bull: "Son, let me give you some advice real quick. Let him have some of your cows and live to tell about it."

Third Bull: "Shit, he can have ALL my cows. I'm just making sure he knows I'm a bull!"




Vampire Bat


A vampire bat came flapping in from the night, face all covered in fresh blood and parked himself on the roof of the cave to get some sleep.

Pretty soon, all the other bats smelled the blood and began hassling him about where he got it from.

He told them to bugger off and let him get some sleep, but they persisted until he finally gave in.

"OK", he said "FOLLOW ME" and flew out of the cave with hundreds of bats behind him.

Down thru a valley they went, across a river and into a huge forest full of trees. Finally he slowed down and all the other bats excitedly milled around him, tongues hanging out, thirsty for blood.

"Do you see that large oak tree over there" the bat asked.

"YES, YES, YES" the bats all replied in a frenzy.

"GOOD" said the vampire bat, "Because I fucking didn't!"






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