There were two Indians and a Polish fellow walking along together in the
desert, when all of a sudden one of the Indians took off and ran up this hill to
the mouth of a cave. He stopped and hollered into the cave..."Woooooo! Woooooo!
Woooooo!" ...and then listened very closely until he heard the answer...
"Woooooo! Woooooo! Woooooo!" He then tore off his clothes and ran in to the
The Polish fellow was puzzled and asked the other Indian what that was all
about, was that Indian goofy or something. "No," said the other Indian. "It is
mating time for us Indians and when you see a cave and holler, "Woooooo!
Woooooo! Woooooo!" and get an answer back, that means that she is in there
waiting for you."
Well, just about that time the other Indian saw another cave. He took off and
ran up to the cave, then stopped and hollered, "Woooooo! Woooooo! Woooooo!" When
he heard the return... "Woooooo! Woooooo! Woooooo!" ...off came the clothes and
into the cave he goes.
The Polock started running around the desert looking for a cave to find these
women that the Indians had talked about. All of a sudden he looked up and saw
this great big cave. As he looked in amazement he was thinking, Man! Look at the
size of that cave! It's bigger than the ones that those Indians found. There
must really be something really great in this cave! Well, he took-off up the
hill at a super fast speed with his hopes of ecstasy and grandeur. He got in
front of the cave and hollered... "Woooooo! Woooooo! Woooooo!" He was just
tickled all over when he heard the answering call of... "WOOOOOOOOO!
WOOOOOOOOO!! WOOOOOOOOO!!!" Off came his clothes and with a big smile on his
face, he raced into the cave.
The next day in the newspaper the head lines read.......
NAKED POLACK RUN OVER BY FREIGHT TRAIN!!!
Three men in the sauna
Three men are sitting naked in the sauna.
Suddenly there is a beeping sound.
The first man presses his forearm and the beeping stops.
The others look at him questioningly.
"That's my pager," he says. "I have a microchip under the skin of my arm."
A few minutes later a phone rings. The second man lifts his palm to his ear. When he finishes he explains, "That's my mobile phone. I have a microchip in my hand."
The third man, feeling decidedly low-tech, steps out of the sauna. In a few minutes he returns with a piece of toilet paper extending from his ass. The others raise their eyebrows.
"I'm getting a Fax," he explains."
High-tech milking machine
Lewis's cousin, the farmer, ordered a high-tech milking machine. Since the equipment arrived when his wife was out of town, he decided to test it on himself first. So, he inserted his penis into the equipment, turned the switch on and everything else was automatic.
Soon, he realized that the equipment provided him with as much pleasure as his wife did. When the fun was over, though, he quickly realized that he couldn't remove the instrument from his penis. He read the manual but didn't find any useful information. He tried every button on the instrument, but still without success. Finally, the farmer decided to call the supplier's Customer Service Hot Line.
"Hello, I just bought a milking machine from your company. It works fantastic, but how do I remove it from the cow's udder?"
"Don't will release automatically once it's collected two gallons."
A Dying American Soldier's Last Wish ...
A very touching story:
Soldier : (Dying in a battlefield hospital in Afghanistan): "How I wish I could kiss the American flag before I die."
Nurse (Extremely touched by the soldier's patriotism): "I have a tattoo of the American flag on my bottom. You may kiss it if you don't mind."
Soldier: "Of course I wouldn't mind. Thank you for fulfilling my last wish."
The nurse took off her panty and the dying soldier kissed the flag.
Soldier: "Thank you, nurse. Would you be so kind as to turn so that I could kiss Bush good-bye too?"
A Detroit woman is in the welfare office filling out forms.
The welfare officer asks her how many children she has. "Ten boys."
"And their names?"
"Leroy, Leroy, Leroy, Leroy, Leroy, Leroy, Leroy, Leroy, Leroy, and Leroy."
"All named Leroy? Why would you name them all Leroy?"
"That way, when I wants them all to come in from the yard I just yells 'LEROY!' and when I wants them to come in for dinner I just yells 'LEROY!'"
"What if you just want a particular one of them to do something?"
"Then I calls him by his last name."
Grandma and the Orange
Lulu was a hooker, but she didn't want her grandma to know.
One day,the police raided a sex party in a
hotel, and Lulu was among them. The police took them outside and had all the hookers line up along the
driveway when suddenly, Lulu's grandma came by and saw her granddaughter.
Grandma asked, "Why are you standing in line here, dear?"
Not willing to let her grandmother know the truth, Lulu told her grandmother that the policemen were
there passing out free oranges and she was just lining up for some.
"Why, that's awfully nice of them. I think I'll get some for myself", and she proceeded to the back of
the line. A policeman was going down the line asking for information from all of the hookers.
When he got to grandma, he was bewildered and exclaimed, "Wow, still at it at your age? How do you do it?
Grandma replied, "Oh, it's easy, dear. I just take my dentures out, rip the skin back and suck them dry."
The policeman fainted!!!!
Last week, we took some friends out to a new restaurant, and noticed that
the waiter who took our order carried a spoon in his shirt pocket.It seemed a little strange, but I ignored it.
However, when the busboy brought out water and utensils, I noticed he also had a spoon in his shirtpocket,
then looked around the room and saw that all the staff had spoons in their pockets.
When the waiter came back to serve our soup I asked, "Why the spoon?"
"Well," he explained, "the restaurant's owners hired Anderson Consulting,
experts in efficiency, in order to revamp all our processes. After
several months of statistical analysis, they concluded that customers drop their
spoons 73.84 percent more often than any other utensil.
This represents a drop frequency of approximately 3 spoons per table per hour.
If our personnel is prepared to deal with that contingency, we can reduce
the number of trips back to the kitchen and save 15 man-hours per shift."
As luck would have it I dropped my spoon and he was able to replace it
with his spare spoon.
"I'll get another spoon next time I go to the
kitchen instead of making an extra trip to get it right now." I was rather impressed.
The waiter served our main course and I continued to look around. I then noticed that there was a very thin string hanging out of the waiter's fly.
Looking around, I noticed that all the waiters had the same string
hanging from their flies. My curiosity got the better of me and before he walked
off, I asked the waiter, "Excuse me, but can you tell me why you have
that string right there?"
"Oh, certainly!" he answered, lowering his voice. "Not everyone is as
observant as you. That consulting firm I mentioned also found out that we
can save time in the restroom."
"How so?" "See," he continued, "by tying this string to the tip of you
know what, we can pull it out over the urinal without touching it and
that way eliminate the need to wash the hands, shortening the time spent in the restroom by 76.39 percent."
"Okay, that makes sense, but . . . if the string helps you get it out,how do you put it back in?"
"Well," he whispered, lowering his voice even further,..................................
"I don't know about the others, but I use the spoon".
A little boy walks into his parents room to see his mom on top of his dad
bouncing up and down. The mom sees her son and quickly dismounts, worried
about what her son has seen. She dresses quickly and goes to find him.
The son sees his mom and asks, "What were you and dad doing?".
The mother replies, "Well you know your dad has a big tummy and sometimes I have to
get on top of it and help flatten it."
"You're wasting your time." says the boy.
"Why is that?" asked his mom, puzzled.
"Well, when you go shopping the lady next door comes over and gets on her knees and blows it right back up."
Chat in the Restroom
I was driving on New Jersey's Garden State Parkway, when I decided to stop at a comfort station. The first toilet stall was
occupied, so I went into the second one.
I was no sooner seated than I heard a voice from the next stall: "Hi, how are you doing?"
Well, I am not the type to chat with strangers in highway comfort stations, and I really don't know quite what possessed me, but anyway, I answered, a little embarrassed: "Not bad."
And the stranger said: "And, what are you up to?"
Talk about your dumb questions! I was really beginning to think this was too weird! So I said: "Well, just like you I am driving east?"
Then, I heard the stranger, all upset, say: "Look, I'll call you right back, there is some person in the next stall answering all the questions I am asking you. Bye!"
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